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Depression

Depression runs in my family. I know this – and yet, it took months for me to realize that it had hit ME.

Part of it was most likely denial. But most of it, I think, is because there is NO reason for me to be depressed. Home life is great – Mike is perfect for me (not perfect, but perfect for ME). The kids are all good kids. Yes, they’re kids, and they test limits, but they really are good. Work is fine. I mean – who loves their job? I don’t hate it and I’m treated very well. I get to work from home full time and they’re very flexible with me.

Social life is picking up – I’ve met some very, very nice women from my town and I truly value their friendship.

Yes, perhaps I do too much volunteer work, but I enjoy doing all of that as well.

So…WHY was I feeling this way?? I was sleeping a LOT, on the verge of tears more often than not, and starting to lose my memory. Stupid things like trying to write up a topic for work – that I’d already written. THAT morning! And I had absolutely no recollection of doing it. (Turns out I’m a pretty good writer LOL!)

Last month, I finally admitted to myself what was going on, and mentioned it to Mike…who promptly said, “I suspected…” WHAT?! And here I thought I was doing an okay job of trying to be “me.” *sigh* When i asked why he didn’t SAY anything, he was like, “What was I supposed to say?” Good point. I probably wouldn’t have taken it very well.

And then I talked with my sister, Cathy…who promptly said, “I KNEW something was going on!” Talk about a blow. Sheesh. Who ELSE noticed??

So…I called my doctor. I had to call about my migraine medication anyway, so I started with that and then asked the nurse on the phone what the proper “protocol” was if I thought I was depressed. She started to talk and then said, “Wait a minute!” and put me on hold. After 3 or so minutes (or so it seemed), she came back and apologized saying that a doctor had walked by who she needed to talk with…was I suicidal or thinking of harming anyone? Uhm…I wasn’t before I was put on hold! LOL!

Anyway…I went in to see a nurse practitioner who listened to what I had to say and then put me on a low dose of Zoloft. She said talking with a therapist was up to me, but it didn’t really sound like I had any issues to work through and it REALLY sounded like I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder – or simply, the winter blues).

The first week was…not pleasant. The meds made me dizzy and TIRED, even though I only took them every other day. And I still felt on the verge of tears…but not as often. The second week was like my body realized, “Hey! This stuff is trying to  help. Okay, I get it.”

I feel like ME again!! I’m playing with the kids more, I’m smiling more, I’m not sleeping all the time. And Mike says that I’m back to ME. It’s awesome.