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Depression

Depression runs in my family. I know this – and yet, it took months for me to realize that it had hit ME.

Part of it was most likely denial. But most of it, I think, is because there is NO reason for me to be depressed. Home life is great – Mike is perfect for me (not perfect, but perfect for ME). The kids are all good kids. Yes, they’re kids, and they test limits, but they really are good. Work is fine. I mean – who loves their job? I don’t hate it and I’m treated very well. I get to work from home full time and they’re very flexible with me.

Social life is picking up – I’ve met some very, very nice women from my town and I truly value their friendship.

Yes, perhaps I do too much volunteer work, but I enjoy doing all of that as well.

So…WHY was I feeling this way?? I was sleeping a LOT, on the verge of tears more often than not, and starting to lose my memory. Stupid things like trying to write up a topic for work – that I’d already written. THAT morning! And I had absolutely no recollection of doing it. (Turns out I’m a pretty good writer LOL!)

Last month, I finally admitted to myself what was going on, and mentioned it to Mike…who promptly said, “I suspected…” WHAT?! And here I thought I was doing an okay job of trying to be “me.” *sigh* When i asked why he didn’t SAY anything, he was like, “What was I supposed to say?” Good point. I probably wouldn’t have taken it very well.

And then I talked with my sister, Cathy…who promptly said, “I KNEW something was going on!” Talk about a blow. Sheesh. Who ELSE noticed??

So…I called my doctor. I had to call about my migraine medication anyway, so I started with that and then asked the nurse on the phone what the proper “protocol” was if I thought I was depressed. She started to talk and then said, “Wait a minute!” and put me on hold. After 3 or so minutes (or so it seemed), she came back and apologized saying that a doctor had walked by who she needed to talk with…was I suicidal or thinking of harming anyone? Uhm…I wasn’t before I was put on hold! LOL!

Anyway…I went in to see a nurse practitioner who listened to what I had to say and then put me on a low dose of Zoloft. She said talking with a therapist was up to me, but it didn’t really sound like I had any issues to work through and it REALLY sounded like I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder – or simply, the winter blues).

The first week was…not pleasant. The meds made me dizzy and TIRED, even though I only took them every other day. And I still felt on the verge of tears…but not as often. The second week was like my body realized, “Hey! This stuff is trying to  help. Okay, I get it.”

I feel like ME again!! I’m playing with the kids more, I’m smiling more, I’m not sleeping all the time. And Mike says that I’m back to ME. It’s awesome.

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15 Responses

  1. Yay! It was brave to admit and take action. Love you!

  2. Um, I have non-judging eyes–if things get icky, type to me until your fingers bleed! You are an amazing woman and I cannot believe how much you are involved in…it makes me worship you!

    I’m glad you are feeling like the Nancy I have come to love–know that I love you even when you’re frumpy and just in case no one has told you today, YOU ROCK!–repeat that everyday!

  3. So glad to hear that you realized what was going on and sought help. So important to do that!

    There is also a history of depression in my family, and there have been times within the last 3-4 years (almost always in the winter) when I’ve wondered whether I could have it too. But whatever it was always seemed to lift just as I was wondering what to do about it.

    You totally ROCK in every possible way. So happy to hear that you’re feeling so much better these days! 🙂

  4. Zoloft rocks!

  5. So-o-o glad you recognized it AND did something about! Yay, Nancy! I agree with with the others — YOU ROCK

  6. Good for you for writing about this, not to mention recognizing an issue and taking action in the first place. I’m so glad the meds are giving you the boost you need.

  7. I’m so glad to hear that you found something that works. I can’t imagine having that feeling like I just wasn’t right – it must have been frustrating for you.

  8. Good for you for figuring out what was going on. I’m glad you got the boost you needed! Feel free to call if you ever need to talk 🙂

  9. Good for you for recognizing that there was a problem and then doing something about it. I think depression runs in my family too, though only undiagnosed by anyone but me LOL. I try to watch my mood, because my understanding is that a true clinical depression is when you are depressed eventhough everything seems “perfect”, that is compared to a situational depression. So I think it’s even more impressive that you acted eventhough you thought everything was going the way it should be!

  10. Go you, Nance. 🙂

  11. I have such an awesome group of friends and family 🙂

  12. Good for you to write about this and take action. I’ve been mired in inaction for almost a year now – job search, weightloss, organization and I feel so STUCK. Not unhappy (although my job makes me unhappy but haven’t been able to find a new one (that will have me which makes me feel awful)). So much to say but so STUCK I no longer blog. That’s me, I hope your post helps kick me in the ass.

  13. Ditto on the needing to talk…you know me and all my problems, lol! So brave of you for getting help and blogging about it. 🙂

  14. Oh, N! Depression sucks. I’ve been there. Had PPD for 18 mths after the twins were born. I thought motherhood was supposed to be a happy time, and instead it was a period of darkness. I self-diagnosed myself–hubby KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, I was such a different person in those first few months, but he never suspected depression (he thought it was sleep deprivation). We talked about it,and I saw my doc too. I was on mild-anti-depressents for 18 mths. What a difference!! I’m glad you got help, and if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.

  15. Nancy, obviously I haven’t been by your blog in ages, but I too have gone through what you are going through. Now that you’ll be a full-time stay-at-home mom, it should help. However, it probably won’t be the cure-all, so be sure to take your meds, get your rest, eat well and exercise as much as you can talk yourself into doing. I would highly suggest that you get some talk therapy from someone who can relate to you and vice versa. While I stopped seeing my therapist almost a year ago (not my choice — she went back to working full time at a hospital), she helped me through my roughest times.

    If you ever need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on or a drinking buddy to get out one night, you know where to find me.

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