One of the things I’m dealing with right now is back talk from Burke. It’s more than just “talk” … it’s the full gamut of disrespect. I’ll get a foot in the face. I’ll get raspberries when I’m trying to discipline. I’ll get faces made. You get the idea. (Maggie’s not too far behind, but she’s much more subtle about it at this point…)
It’s been really frustrating for me, so I decided to browse around my trusty Fishful Thinking resource to see what I could find. Bingo! Not just one, but two articles: Dealing with Disrespect and How to Handle Back Talk. I won’t copy the entire articles here, but I will give the bullet points for each.
Dealing with Disrespect:
- First, calm yourself.
- Give clear feedback.
- Refocus on your goal.
- Resist the temptation to retaliate.
- Try to hear your child.
- When it’s over, it’s over.
This article goes into each one in more depth (and gives examples of what to do and what not to do).
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How to Handle Back Talk:
- Don’t attack
- Don’t belittle
- Don’t condemn
- Define what the problem is
- Define how to rectify it
- Figure out what can be done to prevent it in the future
This article also includes examples of back talk at each age level – and how to effectively respond.
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These points may seem like common sense, but what a great reminder. It’s so easy to lose yourself when you’re in the moment! And of course, that’s what Burke is looking for … “Let’s see how many of Mommy’s buttons I can push.” Boy does he have my number. But not for long! 🙂 This is what I’ll be working on for the next few weeks…wish me luck!!
Another kick-in-the-teeth reminder I got was a simple status update from a friend on FB: “Trying to remember that the kids have had to be quiet and good all day and need to blow off a little steam.” DUH, Nancy. As much as I’d love for them to be wonderfully good and nice and quiet at home, I’d much rather that they be good at school…so I definitely need to remember to let them be loud and crazy when they get home from a long, quiet day at school.
How do you handle disrespect from your kids? Any good ideas for me?
Filed under: fishful thinking | Tagged: back talk, disrespect, fishful thinking, wild and crazy kids |
The Zimmer Zoo 
Excellent timing on this one…I needed it!
Major blow out with Alaina last night. I could have used these reminders then – LOL! But….in fairness to both of us, we did work it out before bed. Like an old married couple, not going to be angry. 🙂
I totally need help with similar issues, except my kids aren’t talking. They like to throw tempertantrums when they don’t get their way. Michael has even slapped me. We started to watch 123 magic and I have to read the book. Any idea how this works? Does it work?
I think one of my easiest solutions for both parties is to state, “I don’t like when you to talk to me in that way. I will talk to you when you can be kind.”
My other favorite, if it continues, is: “I love you too much to argue about your behavior. Please try to talk to me again when your voice matches mine.”
I have to keep in mind too that they’ve been asked to hold it together all day at school! We often have music and silly time as soon as we get home, followed by roaming snack in the kitchen and that seems to help them make the transition. If we don’t do that then we often have a very whiny, cranky, belligerent evening! 😀
Ohh! I like both of those!! Now…to remember them in the heat of the moment.
Thank you 🙂
GREAT post…i HEART Fishful Thinking.
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