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Holy Awkward


The minister from our former church paid us a visit last night. And when I say last night, I mean he showed up at the door at 8:45. Unannounced. Uhm…really? And he stayed for about a half hour.

The thing is…he doesn’t know that he’s our former minister. (Read about my struggle and my peace.) We haven’t been to his church in two weeks. (We actually didn’t go to church yesterday because I was feeling really crappy and Logan has/had? Pink Eye.) He didn’t ask why we haven’t been at church. Church didn’t come up much, actually. As per typical, we heard a lot about how wonderful he is. (*sigh*) And honestly, as the last part of his visit dragged on, the voices in my head kept screaming “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUUP!!!!!!!!” (bad Nancy 😦 ) I guess that reinforced that we’re doing the right thing by going to another church.

The other awkward part of it all is that he brought toy cars for the kids. He’d been mentioning for a while that he had some – after Burke brought a bunch to church one day – and that he’d drop by to give one to Burke. He even set up a time with Mike to come by on a Monday (about a month or two ago) and then never showed up. I was THIS close to handing them back to him, but I totally didn’t want to get into it. Plus, if he HAD dropped by when he said he would – we wouldn’t have been looking for a new church at that point…right? I suppose we’ll just send a thank you card and leave it at that.

Do you think he’ll get the hint if we aren’t there next week? Or do you think we’ll get another visit? And if we get another visit do we let him know that we’re going to another church? Even if he doesn’t ask? Blah.

13 Responses

  1. That is awkward! And kind late for a visit, isn’t it? He might get the idea after a few weeks, or he may just think you’re not going anywhere, and come back to visit.

    I think if he comes back again, I would tell him we had found another church where we felt like we fit in better. Hopefully he won’t come back and you won’t have to.

  2. Wow, very weird visit. Seems borderline inappropriate to me. But, then, I was never involved in a church with a minister that was so personally involved. Maybe it’s just a different normal? I don’t know.

  3. This is very interesting. I can’t believe you didn’t say (as he was leaving) “thanks for visiting, but next time…PLEASE call!!”

    That is so very awkward. So is spelling the word awkward. That doesn’t look right, does it? Oh, sorry…tangent.

  4. Nancy – oh dear. What a pain.

    When we left our former church, we sent a letter to the pastor. It was very polite, and we just informed him that while we enjoyed our time at – insert church name here – we found a church that seems like a “better fit” for us.

    Then we wished them all the best, and that was the end of it.

    The nice thing about this approach is that it lets him know that you’ve left (so hopefully no more surprise visits), but avoids uncomfortable face-to-face confrontation. Call me a coward, but if I have to confront someone, I always prefer to do it in writing.

  5. Hmm..very awkward. Showing up late at night,when you have small children, unannounced!! And I thought my mom was rude when she shows up at bath/bedtime (everytime).

    I like Heather’s letter idea.
    Good luck!

  6. I like Heather’s suggestion!

    We’re actually looking for a new church too, and we have strongly mixed feelings about our old church… We just haven’t been attending anywhere and haven’t made any decisions. It’s a large enough church that they probably haven’t noticed our absence so much, although the ladie’s bible study group probably wonders what happened to me…

  7. I just avoid all the hassle by not going to church anymore. 🙂

  8. Holy awkward is right.
    Letter sounds good.

  9. Heather’s approach kind of cuts things off at the pass — or some saying like that. Just do what feels right to you.

  10. That is very bizarre. I think i would just come out and tell him, if it happens again.
    Thank him for his “visit”, but just tell him outright.

  11. Oh wow, that was uncomfortable.

  12. When we changed churces about a year and a half ago we wrote an email to let the old church know. I was involved in some leadership stuff and felt we had to let them know and I don’t do confrontation in public well. I’m a little too confrontational! We actually received an email from our former pastor that was very nice, wishing us well and inviting us back if we changed our minds or just wanted to visit.

  13. Baptism is a public renopsse to the salvation we have received from Jesus. Communion is an outpouring of thanks and worship for what God, through Jesus, has already done on our behalf. We explained to our girls that once they have asked Jesus to be their savior and once they have publicly professed that faith through baptism, they may joyfully join us in partaking in communion. I truly believe that if we look at Scripture, a public profession of faith comes first, then partaking in communion.All three of our daughters understood this, and baptism became an even more significant event because of it. Each one chose to be baptized at different stages in their life one in high school, one in 6th grade, and one in 3rd grade. We didn’t push. We just made it clear what baptism and communion meant, and it became a marker for them. If my children had been baptized as infants (our church does both adult and infant baptism!) we would have had them wait until they had gone through some sort of confirmation class before they took part in communion.Shelly @ Life on the Wild Side recently posted..

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