It took me a long time to figure it out, but I realized recently (within the past few years) that I suffer from anxiety. It’s not a huge, debilitating thing for me…but it’s there. I get really anxious in new-to-me situations – especially if it’s something where I won’t know anybody. I don’t remember being this way when I was younger…I do recall a few things in college, but it never seemed like much then (stuff like not wanting to go to a party alone. I figured that was just normal…)
I think the event that made me realize this is more than just “normal nerves” was my first attempt to go to a Mom’s of Twins meeting. And granted, I’m sure all of my hormones were off and I was sleep deprived, so I’m going to guess that had a lot to do with it at the time…but it was still an “ah ha!” moment for me (when I was able to look back on it anyway.) What happened you ask? I’ll tell you. I finally mustered up the courage to get out of the house and leave my kids (with Mike) for the evening to head out to a meeting. I was nervous about finding the place, but didn’t get lost – too many times anyway 😉 When I finally got to the location, I couldn’t find a place to park (not knowing there was an entire parking lot behind the building), so I gave up and went home. what?? Ya, you read that right. Not finding a parking spot was all it took to convince myself that I didn’t belong there anyway.
Luckily, the next time around I DID find a parking spot. So that bolstered my courage, but I didn’t know which door to go in, or where to go after I found that door…so I almost gave up again. I thought of my kids though, and how much this group would help them, and so went on with my search. (Thank goodness I did! I’ve met some wonderful ladies 🙂 )
My first PTO meeting for the kids’ school was much the same. I had to convince myself to go inside. I had to slow my breathing. I had to tell myself that the tightness in my chest and the alien baby in my stomach just waiting to get out were both silly and unnecessary (and yes, it felt like more than just butterflies 😛 ). I had to tell myself that I belonged at that meeting just as much as anyone else in there. (Imagine how I felt when I was the one presenting the workshop!!)
So, while I’m kind of thinking that all this anxiety started when I became a Mom…I’m also thinking that it’s actually my kids who are helping me through it. I mean, if my actions start impacting them (I don’t go to a Girl Scout meeting because I can’t find it easily and give up or something silly like that), then that’s not fair.
Filed under: me | Tagged: anxiety | 5 Comments »
The Zimmer Zoo 